The Medic Dad Chronicles

Some of my earliest memories aren't from school, baseball, or family vacations. They're from church. I can still remember lying on the front pew with my head resting in my mom's lap. She was the church pianist, so we sat in the front pew every Sunday. My dad worked a schedule that often kept him away, so it was usually just Mom and us kids. I never minded going to church; I actually loved going.  Before the worship service, we had Sunday school. For us younger kids, that usually meant a Bible story and, if we were lucky, a snack. I don't remember many of the lessons we were taught, but I do remember looking forward to being there. I've always loved music, and I think that's because of my mom. At the first church I remember attending, she learned to play the organ while continuing to play the piano. During prayer time, I'd watch my mom and the organist quietly hurry across the sanctuary to switch places. For some reason, I thought that was the neatest thing. ...

  You Don't Have to Clean Yourself Up First I've heard people say something over the years that has always stuck with me.  "God will meet you at the bottom, because that's when all you can do is look up." Those words aren't found anywhere in the Bible. But the more I've been reading through the Gospels, the more I understand why people say it. I've noticed that Jesus continually welcomed people who knew they needed Him. One of the biggest lies I've heard is this:  "I'll come to God once I get my life together." Maybe you've said that. Maybe you're waiting until you beat that addiction. Maybe you're waiting until your marriage is fixed. Maybe you're waiting until you've stopped making the same mistakes. Maybe you're waiting until you finally feel "good enough." The problem is...none of us will ever be good enough. If we could earn God's acceptance by cleaning ourselves up, there would've been n...

  What Gets Us Into Heaven? Over the last several months, my prayer list hasn't necessarily changed—it has grown. As I've continued reading through the Bible, I've found myself praying more for the salvation of friends and family. Not because I know their hearts. I don't. Only God knows that. But because I've heard people say something over and over again.  "I think if you're a good person, you'll go to heaven."  Maybe you've heard that too. Maybe you've even said it yourself. Honestly, I understand why people believe it. It sounds fair. If someone is kind, honest, generous, and tries to do the right thing, surely God would welcome them into heaven. If I'm being completely honest, if being a good person were enough, I'd gladly believe it. It would make this conversation much easier. But maybe the better question isn't whether it sounds right. Maybe the better question is this: Is that actually what Jesus taught? The more I read,...

After spending a lot of time thinking about what my inner dialogue is now, I started wondering what I want it to be. I don't want it to tell me that everything turned out perfectly. It didn't. I don't want it to tell me I made all the right decisions. I didn't. I don't want it to pretend that there aren't things I would change if I could go back. There are plenty. But I would like it to be a little more fair. Instead of constantly reminding me of what I got wrong, I would like it to occasionally remind me of what I got right. I would like it to remind me that I have a wife who still loves me and enjoys spending time with me. I would like it to remind me that my kids have turned into adults that I am proud of. To remind me that while I may not have always made the best financial decisions, I eventually made better ones. To remind me that the blessings I received weren't wasted. To remind me that I can't go back and invest sooner, save sooner, or work less...

  Be happy In my last work post, I talked about what my inner dialogue is saying about work right now. It isn't saying anything very encouraging. As I get closer to returning to work, the voice in my head keeps saying the same thing. "Don't do it." "You're going to be miserable." "Nothing has changed." "You're just walking back into the same problems." Those thoughts may be right. They may be wrong. The truth is, I don't know yet. But there was a second part to their second question that has been rattling around in my head ever since. What do I want my inner dialogue to be? The answer surprised me because it wasn't complicated. I want it to say: "Go to work and be happy." Not excited every shift. Not smiling through every call. Just happy. I want to wake up without dreading the shift ahead. I want to enjoy the people I work with. I want to feel like my work matters. I want to leave work tired because I worked har...

When my friend recently asked me, "What is your inner dialogue right now?" I thought I should break it down into work and my personal life.  This is the personal side, and what my inner voice is saying now.  And if I'm being honest, a lot of it isn't very positive. Part of me feels like I'm not the husband I should be. Part of me feels like I'm not the Christian I should be. Part of me feels that I could have done a lot more as a dad.  Part of me keeps replaying decisions from years ago and wondering why it took me so long to figure certain things out. I wish I had spent less money on things I didn't need. I wish I had started investing sooner. I wish I had built an emergency fund sooner. I wish I had paid more attention to where our money was going. I wish I had understood some things about the VA years earlier. I wish I had worked less. I wish I had spent more time with Angie and the kids.  I wish I had pulled my head out of my butt a lot sooner. Those t...

  Options+ Choices A friend recently asked me a question that has had me thinking for days. "What is your inner dialogue right now, and what do you want it to be?" At first, I thought that was a pretty simple question. Then I realized it wasn't. The truth is that my inner dialogue about work has changed. For most of my life, the conversation was pretty straightforward. Get up. Go to work. Do your job. Take care of your family. Work overtime because you have to. Figure it out.  Now I'm sitting on the edge of returning to work on light-duty before knee surgery, and the conversation in my head sounds completely different. If I'm being honest, the voice isn't saying, "I can't wait to get back." It's screaming, "DON'T DO IT. YOU ARE GOING TO BE MISERABLE." That's hard to admit. For years, I have worked in EMS. I've seen things that most people never see. I've worked long shifts, missed holidays, worked weekends, dealt wit...