My inner voice(work/want)

 Be happy

In my last work post, I talked about what my inner dialogue is saying about work right now. It isn't saying anything very encouraging.

As I get closer to returning to work, the voice in my head keeps saying the same thing. "Don't do it." "You're going to be miserable." "Nothing has changed." "You're just walking back into the same problems." Those thoughts may be right. They may be wrong. The truth is, I don't know yet.

But there was a second part to their second question that has been rattling around in my head ever since.

What do I want my inner dialogue to be? The answer surprised me because it wasn't complicated. I want it to say: "Go to work and be happy." Not excited every shift. Not smiling through every call.

Just happy.

I want to wake up without dreading the shift ahead. I want to enjoy the people I work with. I want to feel like my work matters. I want to leave work tired because I worked hard, not exhausted from spending the entire day frustrated. 

I want to feel useful. I want to feel appreciated. I want to be able to make a difference without carrying the weight of the world home with me.

For years, I thought the goal was simply to work hard.

Now I think the goal is to work hard and still have something left for the people waiting for me at home. I don't think that's laziness. I don't think that's selfishness. I think that's wisdom.

The older I get, the more I realize that life is too short to spend every shift wishing I were somewhere else.

Maybe that's why this question has stuck with me. Not because I have all the answers. But because for the first time in my life, I have choices. And if I have choices, then maybe I should stop asking, "What can I tolerate?" And start asking, "What kind of work allows me to be happy?" I don't yet know what that looks like. But I know that's what I want my inner dialogue to be moving toward.


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