The Medic Dad Chronicles

 I know that losing several people that I cherish in my life, who passed away in a relatively short period, has definitely impacted me. Watching all of them take their last breaths is hard. One of the things that will shake you to your core is when you talk to someone shortly before they pass away. I clearly remember my dad asking me, "Is it bad?" He asked me this as he had a CPAP mask on with multiple medication drips keeping his blood pressure high enough to keep him alive. I watched my father-in-law slowly slip away. He hadn't been conscious for some time and drifted off. Angie's mom held on for so long. It was nice to sit there with her, talk to her(even though she couldn't respond), laugh, and tell stories. All three of these fantastic people loved the Lord, and we knew that they were singing God's praises as soon as their earthly bodies gave up. Those are visuals that don't ever go away.  A while back, I started going to a VA medical provider. That h...

 It has been some time since I have written something here. It is not due to laziness, I can't really say why I haven't. I have been in a dark place for almost a year now, and I can't seem to shake it. I can't tell you exactly when it started, and I can't even say why.  I was up early yesterday morning. It was the first time I had woken in bed to Angie's alarm in... I can't say how long. But even though I could have gone back to sleep, my brain wouldn't let me. This voice in my head keeps saying, "You're a fraud." I have the feeling that I am not a good dad, I feel that I am not a good husband, I am a bad Christian, I am a bad step-parent, and I am not the medic that people think I am. I am not the happy person that I appear to be at work and around the people I love. I am not the model employee I once was. I am not "living the dream" as I always tell people.  I do not say those things to get people to tell me that I am none of th...