The weight of it all(part 5)

 The Weight of It All — Part 5

I think one of the most dangerous aspects of burnout is that many people do not even realize it is happening to them.

Honestly, I never thought I would use the word "burnout" when it came to my career. Especially in EMS. In my mind, burnout was something that happened to other people, not me. Looking back, though, I am pretty sure burnout played a role in my aviation career as well. I just did not recognize it for what it was at the time. Not all burnout looks dramatic. Sometimes you still go to work every day. You still pay the bills. You still take care of your family. You still smile, joke around, and handle responsibilities. From the outside, everything looks normal.

But inside, something starts changing.

You get irritated more easily than you used to. Your patience gets shorter. Small things bother you more than they should. You start feeling mentally exhausted all the time, even after resting. Things that used to make you happy start feeling more like obligations. You stop looking forward to things. You stop feeling excited about much of anything. A lot of men do not call that burnout. They just think they are tired, stressed, frustrated, or getting older. So they keep pushing through it because that is what they have always done. But over time, that quiet burnout starts leaking into every part of life.

It leaks into your marriage because you become distant, short-tempered, or emotionally unavailable without even realizing it. It leaks into parenting because your patience runs thinner and thinner. It leaks into friendships because you stop reaching out or pulling people close. It leaks into your mindset because you slowly stop believing things can actually get better.

And the scary part is that it usually happens slowly. So slowly that many men do not notice how much they have changed until one day they realize they no longer even feel like themselves. I think a lot of men have spent so much time surviving that they forgot what it feels like to actually live, rest, enjoy things, or feel at peace. They are constantly carrying the weight of responsibility, pressure, expectations, stress, and exhaustion while trying to convince everyone around them that they are fine.

The truth is, constantly carrying that kind of weight without slowing down, talking to somebody, or dealing with it eventually catches up with you. Nobody can run on empty forever. You are not weak because you are tired. You are not failing because the weight finally feels heavy. You are human.

Just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy… and you don’t have to carry it alone.

This, coupled with my PTSD, is me to a T point by point. This is me!

If this sounds like you, talk to somebody. It does not have to be me, but do not keep carrying everything by yourself. Reach out to a friend, family member, pastor, counselor, or somebody you trust. If you're unsure where to start, I'll help point you in the right direction.

I have been there. In some ways, I am still there. I am a work in progress, too.

Asking for help is not a weakness. Sometimes it takes more strength to speak up than it does to stay silent.

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