The weight of it all(part 4)

 The Weight of It All — Part 4

A lot of men grow up believing that asking for help is a sign of failure. You are supposed to figure it out, handle it, push through it, deal with it quietly, and keep moving. Somewhere along the way, many men learned that struggling is acceptable… as long as nobody sees it.

So when life starts piling up, most men do what they have always done. They put their head down and carry more. Even when they are overwhelmed, exhausted, financially stressed, emotionally drained, or mentally running on fumes, they just keep going because they feel like they have to. The hard part is that many men do not even realize how much pressure they are carrying until it starts leaking out in other ways. Irritability. Anger. Pulling away from people. Losing patience over small things. Trouble sleeping. Feeling numb. Feeling stuck. And even then, many men still do not recognize what is happening. Instead of slowing down or talking to somebody, they try to cope with it in other ways. Some throw themselves deeper into work. Some shut down emotionally. Some drink more. Some disappear into hobbies, television, social media, food, or anything else that helps them escape for a little while. Not because they are weak, but because they are trying to quiet things they do not fully understand how to deal with.

But instead of asking for help, many men blame themselves for not being stronger.

I think part of the problem is that men are often valued for what they can do, what they can provide, and how much they can carry. So when you can no longer handle everything on your own, it feels less like stress and more like personal failure. You start thinking that you should be able to handle this, that other people have it worse, that you just need to work harder, or that you do not want to burden anybody else with your problems.

So you stay quiet. And the longer you stay quiet, the heavier everything gets.

The truth is that everybody needs help sometimes. No one was meant to carry the full weight of life completely alone. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not mentally. Asking for help does not make you weak. Sometimes it is one of the hardest and strongest things a person can do. Most people are struggling more than they let on. Most people are simply trying to make it through life the best they can while hoping they do not fall behind, let somebody down, or lose themselves in the process.

You are not failing because life sometimes feels heavy. You are human.

Just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy… and you don’t have to carry it alone.

If this sounds like you, talk to somebody. It does not have to be me, but do not keep carrying everything by yourself. Reach out to a friend, family member, pastor, counselor, or somebody you trust. If you're unsure where to start, I'll help point you in the right direction.

I have been there. In some ways, I am still there. I am a work in progress, too.

Asking for help is not a weakness. Sometimes it takes more strength to speak up than it does to stay silent.

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