The weight of it all(part 3)

 The Weight of It All — Part 3

There is a pressure many men carry that rarely gets talked about. The pressure to provide. The pressure to fix things. The pressure to hold everything together, even when you feel like you are barely holding yourself together. Most men grow up believing that if something breaks, it is their job to handle it. The bills, the house, the car, the leaking faucet, the unexpected expense, the family problems, the future. Even when nobody says it out loud, you feel it. You feel the pressure to keep the ship afloat, no matter what is going on in your own head. Many men are not looking for praise or applause. Most of the time, they just want a moment where they do not feel like the entire weight of life is sitting on their shoulders. But instead, they stay quiet and keep carrying it because somewhere along the way, we learned that is what men are supposed to do.

There is also another side to this that does not get talked about enough. A lot of men were never taught how to do the things they feel expected to know how to do. Some were never taught how to change a tire, fix things around the house, work on a car, handle tools, protect their families, manage money, or navigate life as men. But somehow the expectation is still there. So instead of asking for help, many men stay quiet and feel embarrassed that they do not already know. That kind of pressure eats at people, too. A lot of men end up teaching themselves. Watching YouTube videos at midnight, trying to figure out how to fix a faucet, change brakes, repair drywall, grill a steak correctly, build something, budget better, or handle problems they were never taught how to deal with in the first place. Some learn from friends. Some learn from coworkers. Some learn from complete strangers online. They are just trying to figure it out as they go because nobody handed them a manual for life.

You keep going to work. You keep paying the bills. You fix what breaks. You answer the phone. You figure it out because people are depending on you. Even when you are exhausted. Even when you are stressed. Even when you feel like you are failing despite giving everything you have. The hard part is that many men do not know how to say any of this out loud. So they bottle it up and carry it silently because they feel that if they stop, everything around them will fall apart.

But carrying everything silently comes with a cost, too.

Just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy… and you don’t have to carry it alone. 

If this sounds like you, talk to somebody. It does not have to be me, but do not keep carrying everything by yourself. Reach out to a friend, family member, pastor, counselor, or somebody you trust. If you're unsure where to start, I'll help point you in the right direction.

I have been there. In some ways, I am still there. I am a work in progress, too.

Asking for help is not a weakness. Sometimes it takes more strength to speak up than it does to stay silent.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I am that guy

 Over the years, I have questioned many things that people have done or not done to make their situations worse. Over the last couple of weeks, I have seen people who have had to lose parts of their bodies because they didn't take care of their diabetes. I have seen people who have had cardiac issues because they didn't control their cholesterol. I have also seen what happens to people who haven't led the healthiest of lifestyles.  Well, I am here to tell you that I have done all of the above, too.  In 2010, I was doing well for myself. I was running all the time, I would do 5-6 miles several times a week, and once a week, I would do a long run from 11-13+ miles. I lost some weight, and I felt good about myself. I got hurt after running a simple 5k with my boys, which was essentially the end. I did buy a nice bike to ride longer distances with, but unfortunately, I just couldn't make that work for me the way I wanted it to. There was one exception: When I went overseas,...
Read more

I am struggling

 It has been a while since I posted anything and for that I am sorry. I have been struggling in my personal life for quite some time but it has really come to a head in the past several weeks.  I was having dinner with my son Kai and his now fiancé the other weekend and he was telling me about a podcast he has been listening to. He sent me a screenshot of it and I looked it up. The podcast was an episode of the Shawn Ryan podcast, I have heard some of Shawn Ryan's podcasts but mostly shorts on FB or YouTube. The particular podcast Kai was talking about is the one with Navy Captain Brad Geary. Captain Geary is the Commander of the Navy SEAL school and he has been under fire after the death of a sailor who was going through SEAL training. The part of the podcast that really hit home for me was when Captain Geary was telling about when he was in charge of a SEAL team that sustained extensive loss in a helicopter crash. He talked about the difficult decision he had to make to stay...
Read more

Desert Storm(part 2)

SECTION 1 — The Port The flight in was its own kind of stress. Fear wasn’t the driving force, but the uncertainty sat in everyone’s gut. None of us knew what we were flying into, how long we’d be there, or what things were going to look like once we hit the ground. We carried weapons on the plane, packs jammed everywhere, and zero room to move. Every seat was filled. Every aisle. Everything about it said the same thing: this is real now. Everyone thinks “desert” means heat. We sure did. We figured we’d step off the plane and just bake. Instead, we arrived in the dead of winter, and the first thing that hit us wasn’t heat — it was the cold. There was freezing rain, sharp wind, and absolutely nowhere to get warm. It wasn’t what we expected, and that only added to the whole “what exactly are we getting into?” feeling. We lived at the port in a massive warehouse packed with thousands of soldiers. No heat, no privacy, barely enough bathroom facilities for the number of people crammed in ...
Read more