Advice(talk)

 Talk It Out

Years and years ago, I had a run-in with a senior employee who left a bad taste in my mouth for a long time. At the time, I was an EMT on an out-of-town transport with another EMT. We were just coming back into town when a rollover MVC was dispatched. We were close, so we went en route to see if we could help. We arrived on scene, found the medic, and asked what we could do to help. They looked at us and asked, “Are you a paramedic?” We said no. They looked right at us and said, “Then I don’t need you. You can go.” My partner and I looked at each other, got back in the truck, and left. We weren’t happy about it either.

That encounter stuck with me.

Not long after that, I ended up working with the same person again, and it was even worse. I was scheduled to work a night truck downtown during a large holiday weekend event. This person jumped on the truck with me after already working a full day shift. They were tired. They were hungry. And they clearly didn’t want to be there. They were short with me, short with the patients, especially the drunks, and even short with pedestrians who got too close to us while we were trying to get to calls. The whole shift was miserable. By the end of it, I swore I would never work with that person again. And I didn’t.

After fifteen years, we were working together at a different EMS service. We had both changed. We were equals in terms of certification, even though they still had far more experience than I did. From the very first shift together, the dynamic was completely different. They were polite. They asked my opinion. They let me do my job. Calls went well, patients got to the hospital, and we actually had good conversations afterward.

A few months later, we were posted at a slower station, and the conversation finally came up. I told them about those early encounters and why I had decided I would never work with them again. They were floored. They couldn’t believe the arrogance they showed on that first scene or the attitude they carried during that special event shift. They looked at me and said, “Why didn’t you just slap me upside the head?” Then followed it up with, “Man, I sure was an asshole, and I owe you an apology.” And they meant it.

Since then, we’ve worked together many times. They’ve complimented my patient care, my skills, and my handling of calls. We’ve talked about the old days more than once, and now we usually end up laughing about it.

I say all of that to say this: if you have an issue with someone, talk to them. Sure, give it a little cool-off time. Let emotions settle. But eventually, have the conversation. I straight-up disliked this person for years, and in the long run, I probably missed out on some good shifts and some good conversations because I never spoke up.

I’m not losing sleep over it, but I do regret that it took us so long to talk and get the full picture.

Communication matters in any relationship. In EMS, you spend a huge amount of time with your partner, sometimes as much as you do with your spouse, if not more. If you don’t talk things out, resentment builds, assumptions grow, and good working relationships die quietly.

Sometimes the problem isn’t the person—it’s the conversation that never happened.

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