Funny calls(part 2)

 As a continuation of the funny calls, some of these might be a little gross to some. So be warned. 

We got called to a weird-style apartment complex for a person who was sick. We arrived on the scene, walked up to the third floor on some outside stairs, and talked to the patient. The patient said nonchalantly that they had been feeling bad for a few days and that she wanted to go to the hospital. We talked the patient into walking down the stairs to the stretcher(which she did with no problem). Once on the stretcher, I loaded her up and my partner said that she would let me know when she was ready to go. I got up front and used that time to talk to my wife on the phone as I hadn't talked to her all day. My partner said she was ready and away we went. I was still talking to my wife as we went and I told her that we had a lady that was FOS. She had never heard of that before so I told her that meant "Full of S__t". no sooner than I got those words out of my mouth, I heard my partner say..."No wait" and then I found I found out that she wasn't FOS she was FOV(full of vomit). It went all over the side of the stretcher and on the cabinets. I spent a long time cleaning that mess up. I haven't said that to my wife again since. 

In EMS we get called all the time for dead people, we are called by law enforcement to verify that people are dead. Sometimes when we get on the scene there is absolutely no doubt that the person is dead. I have to premise this with the fact that I have impeccable night vision, I can see things in low light that others can't see even in normal light. Here are a couple of examples. We were called to a corner downstairs apartment, the door was literally the corner of the building. As we were walking up to the door I told my partner to watch out for the ants. She looked at me and asked, "What ants?" I took out my flashlight and lit up the trail of ants that went from the sidewalk, through the door, and up to the patient. She said, "Holy crap, how'd you see that?" I said how did you not?  The next one was a call in the rougher side of town for a shooting. We advised that the scene was safe by officers. As we walked up to the body I noticed three things...First was that the ATV that the person was on was still running, second was that the ATV was still running and the body was laying backward on the exhaust. Lastly, as we got close I told my partner, "Watch out for the brain matter?" She said, "The what?" I pulled out my flashlight and showed her what I said. Again I heard, "Holy crap, how'd you see that?" 

On a cold Sunday morning, we were called to a park bench downtown for a person who was passed out. I was working with this very nice young lady, she has a great personality and is very attractive. As we arrive on the scene we see this thirty(ish)-year-old guy standing with a couple of officers. As I walk up one of the officers starts filling me in as to what happened. It appears that this guy was out with his friends last night, they were drinking and this guy got a little out of hand so his friends left him. Then he tells me that the guy lost his wallet and had no way to get home. So, with no ride, no money, and no way to get home he decides to sleep on the bench. The officer says "The best part is, apparently as people walked past him they started putting money in his mouth". As he is telling me this, the other officer sticks out his hand with a wad of one-dollar bills in it. So, we start talking to the guy and he says that he doesn't need to go to the hospital nor does he need an ambulance. He decides he just wants to go home but doesn't have money. So the officer holds out the wad of money and says "Well you've got this, it must be about...". It was at this point my partner interrupted and said "Fourteen dollars". We all looked at her as the officer counted the money out. It was exactly fourteen dollars. She said, "What?  I wasn't always an EMT". All of our jaws dropped and then we all lost it!

So this last one isn't necessarily a funny call but funny in the fact of where the call was going. At my first EMS service, we carried pagers, this was how we got our calls as well as a way for the service to send out for people to work. There were many times when I was at my day job and a page would go out for an out-of-town transport. They would get a crew to come in to go out of town so they wouldn't have to send a unit working the street. I saw a page go out for a transport, it said to Charleston Va. In my mind I thought the trip was to Virginia, I looked it up and the only thing I could find was Charleston WV. They must have made an error when they paged it out. Next, I started figuring out how long it would take to get there and back, just to see if I could do the trip and be back in time for work the next day.  When I did the math and I figured out how much money I would make, I called in and said that I could go. Normally when you go out of town like that they give you a credit card for fuel. When I asked about getting a card the supervisors looked at me like I was crazy, then they gave me $20. I thought that was really strange, but I took it. My partner got to work and as we were driving to the ER he asked me if I had ever been to Charleston before. It was at this time that I realized that I had taken off work to go to South Carolina and not West Virginia, and I was also not going to make all the money that I thought I was. DANG IT MAN!!