The hits keep coming, Depression(part 2)

 Along with the loss of the closeness that you had with your kids, divorce also wrecks you financially. I was not in the best financial situation before my divorce and that was just compounded afterwards. You develop debt from the actual divorce, then the marital debt usually goes to the male half and then there is the child support. I was left with the previous cc debt, an old Oldsmobile(that we called the Hooptie), and then the child support. So here I was at the absolute worst part of my life, I wasn't eating and I was just broken. I lost over forty pounds, and people told me that I looked good and asked me what I was doing to lose the weight. I told them that I was going through a divorce and that I didn't recommend it as a weight loss program. 


Shortly after the divorce, I decided that I wanted to go to EMT school, I got involved in that and I was happy again. I really enjoyed being in school and I had a great time with my classmates. Just before I finished school I met my current wife Angie through our church and she is a true light in my life. I finished school, got certified, got married, and then started my first EMS job. Angie and I combined our homes, our families, and our finances. I will tell you now without a doubt that if it wasn't for Angie doing our finances we would've never made it. 


I worked two full-time jobs to bring in the money that we needed. Angie kept us in the green, she balanced the money like a pro, however, when there were times that the money just wasn't there. I can't tell you how many birthday meals or Christmas' were paid for after a close evaluation of balances to see what card we could use. Many times we had to tell the kids that they couldn't bring their significant others to meals because we just couldn't afford it. I felt like the biggest shmuck because I couldn't afford the things that the kids wanted for Christmas or birthdays. Many a time I would sit there and watch them with what they had gotten with what looked like disappointment on their faces. That really hits a parent right in the gut. 


Every year there was the dreaded tax time. Money was always tight and we thought that we had the deductions right so that we would break even. We also had the child deductions but for some reason, Angie and I both ended up on the short end of that stick. For many years we paid our tax bill with a credit card, and we even had to borrow money from my parents once. One year we were really struggling and we decided that I could cash in my 401k to pay off our bills and possibly have a little left over. Well, that helped out until tax time, that was when we were told that we owed over $40,000 in taxes. That day Angie and I both cried in the H+R Block office. After that year we both say "Well it can't be as bad as that year."


There is always a feeling of dread in a divorced dad, that feeling comes from the fear of being taken back to court for more child support. That fear was especially clear for me as I was working two jobs and getting hit with a higher amount due to the added income of the second job was terrifying. That feeling stayed with me for the duration of my child support requirements. After those days were done we thought we were in the clear but nope, now was the time to try to catch up from all the financial damage that we caused staying afloat. 


I am not here to say that all of our financial problems were caused by our divorces but they were a big part of it. I can also say that we weren't very good stewards of our money, and it took us years and years to get out of the hole that we dug for ourselves. I have worked countless holidays, countless hours of overtime, and have even gone overseas to try to make the "big money" and we just never seemed to be able to get ahead. With the help of one of my EMS partners, we got our debts consolidated and virtually paid off. Angie and I never thought we would ever get to retire together as I felt that I was going to work until the day I die. Now there is hope, it wasn't easy but we made it. 


The chaos persists, but so do I....





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