Watching your family member die(part 4)

 Dad was stable on the ventilator, he was on a setting that allowed him to initiate a breath and then the ventilator would supply him with a set amount of air. You could still see that his effort although ever so slight was weak. Dad had 3 medications for keeping his blood pressure up, when I say up I mean above 80's/50's(a "normal" B/P is 120/80). Dad also had a med for sedation so he would be calm with the breathing tube and he had another for pain associated with the tube. Now the waiting game began, would he get better being on the ventilator or slowly deteriorate.

Once Dad was on the ventilator he was no longer able to make any decisions and that left it up to Mom and us kids. The doctor came in to talk to us all, she told my Mom about the decision-making and asked what she would like them to do. The doctor explained everything in a very simple yet straightforward way so that Mom understood, I really appreciated that. Mom told the doctor that she wanted to wait until my sister got there so she had a say in what was to happen.

One thing the doctor did was use words that I have been trained to use but have always stayed away from. We are told that when we talk to family members of the patient to use the words die, dead, or died. As a person of faith and as someone who has more compassion than the average person that seems harsh or cold. But when the doctor told my Mom that Dad was going to die, not if but when it didn't seem to sting like I thought it would. There was no doubt in what she was saying and it was not sugar-coated but the way she did say it was full of compassion and respect.

My sister finally arrived around 420 or so, Dad had no change in status. I met my sister out in the parking lot, I wanted to talk to her before she went in. I asked her if she wanted the long version or the short version and she said short. I point blankly said "They have been keeping Dad alive until you got here." She told me she figured that was the case and we went inside. After some time the doctor came back and spoke to us all and described what our options were. I could tell that Mom had something on her mind and I figured I knew what it was. I asked the doctor to explain what the process was going to be in letting Dad go. I got the thank you look from Mom and then the doctor went on to describe the process. The doctor said they would stop Dad's  B/P meds, stop the sedation, keep the pain meds going, give him a stronger sedation med, and another pain med, and then pull his breathing tube out. No pain, and he wouldn't know what happened. 

Dad's pastor and deacon arrived at the ER, we all spoke and we all prayed over Dad. When we were ready for the doctor to do what she needed to do we just told her. As the nurses were setting things up all of my family went out except me, the deacon stayed and a great family friend came in as everyone was leaving. Kelly was a cardiac nurse and she has been involved in every single procedure that Dad has had, They joked together and she told me that Dad normally didn't tell Kelly that he was there but she said "I always found out."

I was on Dad's right side holding his hand and Kelly was on Dad's left side holding his hand. They had stopped his B/P meds and his pressure immediately started dropping, it shocked me how fast that happened. The nurse looked at me as if to say...Are you ready? I nodded, she pushed the sedation and the other pain meds and then they pulled out Dad's breathing tube. We all watched Dad, he was still breathing on his own but was really shallow. After 2-3 minutes he stopped breathing and that was when I couldn't keep it together anymore. Kelly squeezed Dad's hand and said "Oh Steve I'm so sorry" and she walked out. The nurses did what they needed to do, they listened for a heartbeat nodded to each other, and stepped out. I looked at my Dad, I said "I love you pop" and gave him a kiss on his forehead. Dad was gone. My father of 53 years, a husband of 59 years, and a son of 79 years gone. 

I love you pop and I can't wait to see you in Heaven.