Grief, It's ok to cry...right?

 

After losing 2 father figures within 4 months or so I have taken some time to think about grief. As I have said before, being a medic changes how you look at things and feel about things. We see so many people that have died and almost every reaction to death that there is. Most of us are taught in EMT or Paramedic school that there are 5 stages of grief, these were first introduced by Elisabeth Kubler Ross in her book in 1969. These 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  

In the field we saw anger the most, we've had family and friends screaming and yelling. You feel so bad that there is nothing that you can do to ease that pain and we try to be as empathetic as possible. The next would be denial, people are just in disbelief saying that it is not possible. On occasions, there have been people that are bargaining to have their loved ones back. To be the one to give the news of the death of someone is never easy and we do the best that we can. 

I know that after my Dad had been pronounced dead, I told him that I loved him and gave him a kiss on the forehead, and then I had to go tell my family that he had died. When I walked into the waiting room and saw my family sitting there crying it was all that I could do to keep it together. I knew that the grieving time had already started for us. Voltaire said, "Tears are the silent language of grief". 

According to Ketteringhealth.org, there are the three C's of grief, choose, connect, and communicate. We need to choose what type of grief is right for us. For some, it is to be on their own, time to reflect, and others want to be around their friends and family. When we left the hospital after my Dad died I didn't want to be around other people so I went to where I felt I wanted to be. I went for dinner in the last place my Dad spent his last birthday. I ordered his favorite cocktail that I used to make him when I was a kid, I ordered the steak and lobster that he also had. I felt connected, I felt at peace. Next is to connect, we need to connect with others, and we need to be honest with people when they ask how you're doing. I texted and called my go-to people, when I called my close friend and told her what all had happened with Dad it was super hard. My friend just listened and gave me time when I lost my composure. That was what I needed.  Lastly, we need to communicate, we put our needs out there. I have people all the time ask me how I am doing and I still give my standard answer..." Living the dream". 

Keanu Reeves said "Grief changes shape, but it never ends. We all have our way of dealing with grief but it never really goes away. We all have ways to remember the one we love, "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure"(author unk). There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my Dad, specific memories of him and I start to break down. Those feelings may fade but they will never go away. 

Early this morning as I was just coming on shift we had a call for a deceased person. We got on the scene and unfortunately, that was the case. I went to talk with the family and after getting all the necessary info we started talking about that pt. The family started telling me stories about how the patient was about working, his love of cars, his love for his family, and their love for him. They were telling some very funny stories and we all started laughing. It was so good that in such a time of sorrow, we were all laughing. As we left I told them to hold onto those memories and enjoy those laughs. 

Lastly, I leave you with this quote by Quintus Ennis wrote "Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men." The ones that we have lost are never gone, they are always in our hearts. They are in the things that we say, and what we do. Our loved ones are living in and through us. Dad, you are gone but never forgotten.